Faking an ailment just to be excused from school


I went to an all girls somewhat missionary school, it was one of the best schools in my town and till today we are always proud of telling whoever cares to listen that I attended St. Anne's Secondary School Otukpo.
If you went to a burden school you'd understand the whole concept, almost everything kinda synced with other boarders. You can't just storm out of school without permission from the school admin, the witches and wizards hoolaboo, wicked seniors tormenting ones life here and there, injury period etc.

Alot happened in my Jss1 but those stories are coming soon. Today I will tell you how I pretended to be ill just so I can get permission to go home.

From my first term to second term I kinda sucked it up and stayed back in school till vacation amidst all the threats and unnecessary punishments I was getting from Seniors for the sins of my sister who had graduated two years before I got in. I didn't find it easy during the third term because everything was excess, I needed a break, so I decided to find a way to get one.

One of the easiest ways to get permission in my school was if you are ill, not just ill, you have to be so ill to the point where you can't walk nor stand by yourself, two to three people have to drag you to the clinic. We had a really mean head nurse then, she'd scream at you and your ambulance approaching the clinic not minding what was wrong with you and tell to better walk by yourself before reaching her. I never liked her or any of the nurses, they were always making it look like we were overreacting when we had our periods. These are mothers o, I really disliked them for that. Now Let's get back to the story.

One faithful Saturday morning, myself and two other classmates of mine (Lucy and Grace) were discussing and from one gist to another we started talking about going home. So after the morning dinning and we had finished eating our strong strong okpa, we thought it wise to have a plan. 
We got to an empty class and thought of the different sicknesses each of us was gonna pretend to have, it had to be a badass one so we don't end up in the clinic. Lucy went with eye issues, I said I'd go with chest pain, in fact, half of the students had chest pain, now that I think of it, I dunno why that was common back then. I am not sure what Grace claimed but it doesn't matter as whatever happened after we were done planning was a surprise to Lucy and Grace. 

We thought it'd be better and more believable if one of us wasn't ill because we needed someone to reach out to the health prefect to come to our rescue. If your ailment deteriorates  and it is the weekend, all you need is the health prefect to get you out and take you to your house. Grace took one for the team and said she'd stay back in school and we promised to bring her goodies when we get back.

Lucy needed a convincing proof to show how bad her eye problem was so she went and plucked a leaf from the tree behind our class and poured the juice from the leaf in her eyes (ouch!), I can't believe she took the whole thing that serious cause I was scared for her eyes and that act was actually for nothing cos I stole the show, I stole it so bad that I think I deserve an Oscar for that acting.

We asked Grace to go fetch the health prefect as we were prepared for action!!
She went out and we kept watch till we saw her running towards the class with the prefect, omo! Na so Script start o, I started weeping, I grabbed my chest and wept, even I was beginning to believe my own lie, at this stage they had already arrived and were trying to hold me up, Lucy was supposed to be rubbing her eyes and weeping too but babe was astonished as to how I switched on and wasn't going off, she was "shucked" 😅😆 Grace on the other hand was wondering if it was still the same script we rehearsed or I got struck by God for planning the act. 
Before I could say Jack, the health prefect had backed me, I was gagging and I could hear her shouting, "please don't vomit on me o!" 
I can't really tell what happened or how she got my address cause like I said, I took the whole thing to heart that it became real in my head. I never opened my eyes throughout the journey to my house as I kept wailing. When we got to my house, thank God my mom was home, the health prefect reported the situation to my mom and told her to take me for checkup. 
She left, mumcy asked if I had eaten, I told her no, I kukuma used the strength of the okpa to wail, na so them buy me bread come make tea, I was out of character by this time, I sat up, downed the meal, slept for a bit so they don't suspect me and the rest was history.
I was sha taken to the hospital for checkup, and guess what? I was diagnosed with ulcer , I was so sure God punished me for lying, but I also doubted the proficiency of that doctor too, I mean, I was younger but I felt you'd need more than a stethoscope to detect ulcer. 
Doesn't really matter cause years later I had a terrible ulcer attack because an incompetent nurse injected me with chloroquine which I react to badly and something else that set my chest on fire for days, later confirmed I had ulcer and wasn't supposed to take that injection.
I told the doctor that I'd have to go back with a medical report,  as it is a compulsory return report if your reason for leaving school was based on ailment. I begged the doctor to add in the letter that I am not allowed to carry out any strenuous work, carry heavy things on my head or bend down too often or too long, that is the best way to escape punishments and labour in school. I didn't do labour nor participate in any hard chores in school throughout the rest of the 3rd term. 

When I came back, I met Lucy and babe kept clapping for me, sadly, she couldn't go on with her own show as she was mesmerized by my act.

You know how if you missed school for a day or two then everything is strange, cool or a bad thing happens that period? 
Yes! That was the case when I got back, one of those things was the confessions of witches with their mission and guess what?  
Those witches were my classmates.. That's our next story.. 

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  1. Kikikiki I remember how I poured powder on my hair to avoid me from cutting it. I was in SS3 and was looking forward to making my hair after Waec😂#gloria